March themed challenge.

[merikuru]

No master list for Februantasy, so onward.

March's challenge is:

M/March!

This is the month to bring out all your male/male relationships. A cuddle before a warm fire, a romp in the sheets, a day spent fixing up the house or car or something else in friendly contemplation - here's where it all belongs. Let there be men!

All fics written for this challenge should be posted as a comment on this entry (a comment with a link to an offsite post is also fine). If your work has spoilers, please add an [S] tag to the comment title. If it has mature content, please add an [MA] tag.

This theme challenge will end on March 31st, 11:59 PM Central Standard Time.

Comments

[S] Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Felix/Dimitri, "Understanding"

[sarajayechan]

He's almost thirty when he finally understands his father, from the things he said to the way he died. Out of the blue, years of resentment and anger and accusations hurled at his father of being unfeeling and caring more for Dimitri than he ever did for his own sons vaporize into nothing as Felix finally understands.

Well, perhaps not out of the blue. It's his father's birthday, and Felix wakes up before the sun rises to visit the family crypt in Fraldarius. He'd planned to go alone, Dimitri needs to rest after all the meetings and paperwork he's had to contend with and even now, the guilt etched on his lover's face whenever Father's name comes up is impossible to miss.

But of course, Dimitri is waiting at the carriage for him and Felix tries not to roll his eyes. One drawback of them having known each other since they were infants is that they know everything about each other, right down to what the other is thinking. It's a bit offputting at times, even if Felix wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

"You didn't think I'd let you shoulder today alone, did you?" Dimitri asks, and Felix just sighs, unable to stop a smile from tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Idiot." He kisses Dimitri quickly, and Dimitri lets him into the carriage first.

"You're welcome."

The ride to Fraldarius is silent, Dimitri's warmth beside him both comforting and uncomfortable. Even after the amazing transformation from a wild beast back into a man, the past still haunts Dimitri. The voices are quieter these days, the nightmares less frequent, but the guilt of his actions during that dark period of his life isn't so easy to get rid of.

It's frustrating, especially when Dimitri is so obviously brushing all that aside so he can prop up Felix on difficult days like this one. You suffered just as much as I did back then, and I was too blind to my own pain to understand. And Felix will call him an idiot for his self-flagellation before he kisses him, because even years into their union I love you is still difficult to say.

Mostly because three words can't even begin to describe what Dimitri means to him, has meant to him even during that dark time.

They exit the carriage and approach the family crypt, flowers in hand. Father is buried between Glenn and Mother, and the sight reminds him once again that only he remains of the core Fraldarius line. He hasn't seen Father's family in years, though he does get letters once in a while.

"Hello, Father." Felix's voice is tight as he kneels before the headstone, placing the flowers beside it. "I've brought Dimitri with me." He hears Dimitri snort, and he can just hear Father saying he either insisted upon coming with you, or you demanded it of him in a playful tone.

"Hello, Rodrigue," Dimitri murmurs, setting his own flowers down. "I'm taking good care of him, I promise...just like he's taking care of me."

Years spent believing Dimitri was more important to Father than his own sons, that Glenn was his favorite, that Felix was the black sheep who just happened to bear the major crest. Years of resentment, misdirected anger and guilt, and only now does Felix realize there was no favoritism, only loyalty to his kingdom. That this was just who his father was, who Glenn was.

And deep down, Father, you knew more than I did how much I loved him, didn't you?

Felix speaks briefly of affairs in Faerghus, as though he expects Father's spirit to be lingering in the crypt and listening. Dimitri keeps quiet, and when their visit is over he remains as such on the ride to a nearby inn. The ambient guilt isn't quite as thick as it was during the war, but Felix can feel it nonetheless. They sit down on the single bed, shedding their coats.

"You're still blaming yourself." Dimitri turns to him, a sad, humorless smile on his face.

"A bit." He sighs. "Felix...you are happy, aren't you? With this?" Felix frowns.

"What's this all of a sudden?"

"The people of Faerghus need to rely on their King to be strong for them, but you and the others spent years taking care of me," Dimitri says. "Fussing over me, trying to keep me in check, coddling me like I was a broken child even though you were all counting on me to be a leader. Faerghus needed me more than ever back then, and I..."

He won't even look at Felix, his shoulders go tense and his breath hitches.

"I was so selfish. And now that you and I are together, you've had to-" He shakes his head. "I've caused you more pain than anyone else, and you still have to-"

Felix grabs his shoulders, forces him to turn around and face him. Dimitri reluctantly lifts his gaze, Felix's eyes momentarily locking on the black leather patch still worn over his right eye. His hand reaches out to touch that side of his face, and Dimitri's fingers close shakily around his.

"I want to," Felix says firmly. "I'm with you because I want to be, and that includes taking care of you."

"Felix..."

"And don't act like you've never done anything for me, either. You're the one who built that new wing of the palace and insisted we name it for my father. You made sure Fraldarius would be well taken care of after we married. And you're the one who keeps insisting we invite Father's extended family for a visit." Dimitri's expression briefly lightens.

"You know we have to. If those letters you mention are anything to go by, they worry for you." Felix rolls his eyes.

"Don't change the subject, boar." He gathers Dimitri close, resting his head on his shoulder. After a moment, Dimitri's arms slowly encircle him. "I want you to stop thinking you owe me or that you've made me suffer. We're in this together. Our fathers wanted us to be close, and if they could see us now-"

"They'd ask us what we're going to do about an heir," Dimitri cut in, and Felix just barely stops himself from laughing.

"What did I say about changing the subject?" He's well aware the Blaiddyd line can't go heirless, and he knows Mercedes has offered to carry a child for them, or that one of Duke Rufus's bastards technically has claim to the throne and might make a fine ruler someday. But Felix can't deal with logical matters when both he and Dimitri are trying to process feelings.

"Sorry." Dimitri manages a small smile. "Your father would be proud of us both, I know. He was always proud of you, Felix, even if you two had your difficulties," he says. "Sometimes when he would take me hunting, he'd never shut up about you. He'd gush about your amazing sword arm, your potential...honestly, it made me happy. Sometimes I felt guilty for taking up so much of his time."

"I shouldn't be surprised." Felix swallows, closing his eyes against the threat of tears. "After Glenn died, I just...didn't know how to handle it, I was hurt and angry and when Father said what he did, I just...I didn't want to accept it, so I decided he was a monster and I hated him. And even then..."

"He always knew you loved him deep down. And I know he would've given his life for you as he did for me, if he had to."

Felix trembles, and Dimitri's embrace tightens. He knows what he's going to say, and it's not so much that Felix thinks crying is a weakness but he fears that once he starts, he'll never be able to stop.

"It won't bring them back."

"You're right, it won't." Dimitri's fingers card through his hair. "But I'm here anyway."

So Felix gives in.